Absolutely none the wiser, I read everything I could about women’s sexuality, coming-out stories, and desires. I found some comfort at that time hanging out with a British lesbian couple at their home. One of them recommended shows to watch—L Word (intimate drama series about a group of lesbian friends struggling with romance and career in Los Angeles) and Tipping The Velvet (a coming of age story set in 1890s in England, delving into pervasive lesbian theme). Their courage and sureness, so what if it was fictional, in the face of their own uncertain journeys was inspiring enough to take the next step. Come out to my parents. I sat myself next to my mother. ‘I prefer women to men as my partner,’ I muttered, almost whispering in an apologetic tone, weeping uncontrollably. I could see the colour of her face go from red to pale, as I explained the switch, the delicate difference in lovemaking and companionship, the therapy, and the Kinsey scale. ‘But you’re not entirely gay, the test. I gave in. Abstinence had made me mesmerized by how close it was, and how available as well. I sat on his thigh, and starred at it blankly for a moment: he was semi-hard, and it was already huge I thought to myself. My mouth salivated a little. I imagined him, holding my hair using my mouth to milk him to completion. Arousal began to overtake my better instincts. I could feel my pussy begin to drip again, lubricating itself to receive him, and the warmth in my clit as it enlarged and pressed against my panties, and his leg. I started moving my hips gently, rubbing it softly against him like a bitch in heat trying to hide its baser instincts. He shifted slight and looked at me.“Sleep tight Tan!” I said, as I got up, and bolted toward the door, knowing that if I stayed a moment longer I would ruin my relationship, and undoubtedly give in to his desires, and perhaps mine.I walked out of his room and right across the hall into my own. I peeled my clothes off and walked toward my shower.
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